Every Man’s Battle
For New England, this week’s been unusually hot. The leaves are supposed to be getting ready to turn colors. People are supposed to be breaking out their light jackets or at least sweaters. But instead I’m seeing T-shirts, shorts, and sandals. I drove home the other evening from prayer service. It was eighty degrees. Eighty degrees at night!
As a man, eighty degrees is not a problem during the evening. The problem is eighty degrees during the day in a city full of young female professionals and college students. Being a bishop, there’s a certain risk in writing an article like this. A person who holds such a high ecclesiastical/religious position is not supposed to admit (let alone state publicly) that when the weather gets hot like this, his best defense is to simply stay in his office.
We had a guest speaker at our conference who told us an interesting story. When a national ministry wanted to hire, he declined the position saying that he could not live in Miami or Los Angeles because his human nature prohibited him from living in an environment where he would have to constantly battle visual temptation. I wanted to jump out of my pew and yell, “Finally, a Christian leader who will at least admit that the challenge even exists!”
Men have a hard time expressing deep mental, emotional, or physical challenges. It’s probably looked at as “being weak.” But when you add that to the fact that we are Christian men who should be able to “do all things through Christ who gives us the strength,” then it’s even worse. We’ve got God, the Big Kahuna, on our side, so we’re supposed to be able to handle our business (that is, our walk with God in holiness). Job’s statement, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (Job 31:1) seems only to add to our guilt.
And yet I think that our answer can be found in James 5:16. “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth (accomplishes) much”. Thank God I have a men’s small group and some very close pastor friends with whom I can be real and who cover me in prayer. But as one man to another, I ask, “Who do you talk to when it comes to this kind of challenge? Who’s covering you in prayer so that you don’t fail in the area of sexual temptation?”
You know that on a subject such as this one, I invite your thoughts.
sending...
Hey Pastor Greene,
I totally feel what you’re saying. It’s funny because last April, my roomate and I (we are in northern california) said that every spring, we know the drill: women’s clothing and their appearance gets more “noticable.” Although I do have a few brothers in Christ whom I talk about this with, I could encourage them to pray for me more in this area. Thanks for your honesty and realness, and I’ll continue to keep you and the church in my prayers as well.
In Christ,
In a time when we live in a whatever,whenever,don’t ask why, ask why not,if it feels good ,i want it now generation.When pornography and victoria secret has become main street america,from corporate america knowing sex sells that this is a billion dollar industy,yet i find it perplexed,oversexed and oversold,how a man today can openly and honestly not say this is not only every mans battle but mans everyday battle,with our minds and eyes being bombarded everyday that at times as men we think we can have a little of this and a little of that,it is like taking that one little bite out the apple and we all know what happened next-today it is at epidemic proportions that as a society we are accepting this like just another day at the office,as you spoke earlier the only safe place when it is hot is in your office,in reality this is big business in mainstream america-well this notion i want it all and i want it now sexual revolution,thinking if we do this it will free us up and we can have it our way,this mindset is something that only breeds death and destruction making ourselves into a prisoner in our own making, all for a moment of pleasure or a push of button nowadays-openly and honestly i deal with this everyday,so i hope and pray that men including myself, can openly admit not only is this everymans battle but mans everyday battle,that only with Christ are we free from this bondage,we can and we will overcome one battle at a time-keep me in your prayers David
Reading the article and the above comments, I cant help but think that the issue of women dressing to entice and that men risk getting snared by it—is a huge issue.
As a woman, I go to school on a college campus where girls often show as much skin as possible as a means of expression ( and I live in the midwest). People stare at all people. Its the world we live in now. Women look at woman and guys look at women. Not necessarily in an unhealthy sexual way–but our world has made a womans body such an idol, that other woman are drawn to stare as well. Not to mention, there is a level of provocation in dressing so casually exposed. I know it has got to be a hard struggle for men, and I certainly dont think its shameful to admit. Its honest.
Seeing anything against your will that has the snare of arousing desire is not easy to deal with. In this world we live in, wanted or not, our eyes can fall on things that have the power to manipulate us, whether its on the t.v. or at the grocery check-out. Then its up to us to deal with it appropriately. It’s a sensitive issue; I know husbands that have had to express this struggle to their wives. It is very hard for wives not to be initially upset or beset with the notion of ” Can’t you help yourself!?”. snap. Not an easy issue BUT you have to get it into the light.Then you can put it in its place. Yes, its difficult, but shoot, we have to beat our bodies and make them our slaves, not vise versa, and I say that as a believer to a believer.
The struggle is aggressive because the temptation is strong. So its a call to bring it into the light and pray aggressively.
Dear Pastor,
Reading your blog I realized how vunerable I am in this area. Although I’m 48,I’m divorced, and tend to feel I have no reason not to look. How weak is that rationale? I thank God for the Band of Brothers where I can share openly with other men about my short comings. Therapy is one thing but the brothers are real men talking about real issues. My next step is to find a brother to hold me accoutable for my thoughts and actions. Thats right, even my thoughts. My thoughts lead to words which lead to actions which will create my destiny. I pray for God’s will to create my destiny. God’s destiny for me is so much bigger than I could ever think of. God bless the Bishop.
Men are so visual, it kills me to admit how hard it is to avoid that second look. ‘Vast imaginations’ can go through you mind a basically haunt you for a long time urging you continue.
It’s always a wakeup call when I see my sisters, who developed into young women. I often reflect on how other men must look at them, and gives me awareness to respect other peoples sisters and daughters. I do agree the best way to do that is not to look, because you should remove yourself from that temptation.
Maybe to open up another avenue, what about women you already know? Can men have attractive female friends?
Thank you for acknowledging there is a gorilla in the room. It gives me hope that Pastors and preachers do not think they are invincible and it can’t happen to them.